If you're like me, this trailer is painful to watch. Not because the game looks bad (quite the opposite), or because you feel sympathy pain for all the dudes getting beat up, but because you know you'll never be able to have any of this.

This is the latest trailer for Yakuza Zero, the prequel to Sega's Yakuza series, which started nearly a decade ago on PlayStation 2.

The trailer is sort of a quick summary of everything the game has to offer. We get a look first at the setting: Kamurocho and Sotenbori, two of the game's main areas, which have been overhauled to give them an authentic 1980s look.

The game is split into three pillars – money, women, and violence – and there are mechanics and minigames for each. It seems that as a yakuza boss, you'll have to manage your business in addition to standard gambling fare. And of course, we can't have a Yakuza game without a bunch of eye-rolling interactions with the opposite sex, so of course you can go on dates, manage a host club, or apparently do like, bikini wrestling, I guess?

You'll play the game primarily as series stalwart Kazuma Kiryu and frequent antagonist/ally Majima Goro, so we get a look at both characters' combat styles as well, such as Kiryu's "rush style" or "chinpira style," (which translates roughly to street punk). Kiryu seems much more brutal in this iteration of Yakuza, which isn't surprising considering the past frequently hinted at in the other games.

Finally, it's time to look at all the minigames. You can do things like play in a sweet band, go dance roller-skating, or race electric cars on a guided track. There are even authentic Sega arcades with some of Sega's classics from the period. This is just before they released the Sega Genesis, so we can see games like OutRun and Space Harrier.

As you watch all this insanity, remember that Yakuza 5 never made it over here, so it's unlikely this one will either. Start tweeting, emailing, and writing letters to Sega and maybe they'll at least shrug indifferently.