I just remembered thinking how little I cared about the story in Shadow of Mordor when I was playing it. All I really wanted to do was carve up some Uruks and create my own little narrative for why my generic fantasy hero was causing such misery for this poor, deformed race of peaceful miners. Man, what a jerk!

It's gotten to the point where I can barely even remember to include "Middle-earth" when I am typing out the title in articles! You can imagine my surprise when Sauron turns up in the latest trailer for the game's upcoming DLC. Whoa, that's right! This is a Lord of the Rings game, huh? One Ring to rule them all and all that jazz.

Indeed it is. The new DLC features Sauron, angry elves screaming at him, a bunch of magic rings, yadda yadda yadda. Who cares! Just give me more combat techniques, additions to the Nemesis system, and creative means of dispatching Uruks, and I'll be just fine and dandy, thank you.

The DLC pack, titled "The Bright Lord," puts players in the shoes of the Elven King Celebrimbor, the bloke whose memories you uncovered scouring across the lands when looking for warlords to decapitate. Apparently, he is equally prone to violence as "generic fantasy man," and this DLC has him causing similar havoc within the ranks of Mordor 1,000 years earlier…

…look, if his sword is sharp and it can go through an Uruk's flesh from one side of the neck to the other totally unhindered, I'm game! Where's my DLC? No release date for "The Bright Lord" has been set yet. Your trailer is making the tips of my earlobes itch for the blood of orcs, and they need to be scratched with their shrieks of pain!

Wow, the violence in that game scarred me, huh?