I gave up on the hunt for achievements ages ago. Somewhere between nobody caring about my gamer score and me not caring either, I decided to abandon my pointless quest for uncovering secret areas filled with useless items or killing X number of bad-guys in predetermined convoluted ways. Not that all achievements are boring, but it’s games like Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes which totally turned me off of the useless endeavor.

1,000 points for the game are divided evenly into 15 different goals. Quite a small number for such an open-world game, but when you get down to reading them, most of them are just story based anyway. Warning, possible spoilers from here on out.

“Reunited with Chico or Paz,” whoever they are. “Cleared the “Ground Zeroes” mission,” AKA beat the game. “Cleared a Side Op or Extra Op,” “Cleared all missions (including Side Ops and Extra Ops),” “Unlocked all trials.” These last two are the most infuriating, simply defined as “Obtained all cassette tapes” and “Obtained all XOF unit patches.”

If I were playing Metal Gear Solid on the PlayStation, doing something like this would grant me a special weapon, or an invisibility cloak, or a headband which grants infinite ammo. You have to pay for stuff like that these days in DLC packages, so no more freebies! What does collecting these cassettes and patches grant me besides valueless points, Konami?

I take it back, though. After reading the descriptions, Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes is the kind of game we need to look at for future achievements. It’s the kind of game where achievements are so bland an unoriginal that nobody cares, meaning you can sit back and enjoy the game for what it is, not needing to grind away at pointless objectives.

Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes will be released for PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and Xbox 360 on March 18.

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