Joey's Top 5 Phone

After seeing Mike’s Top 5 Phones post, I was inspired to write my own. There’s one thing: this list is definitive, I’m saying that right here and now. These are the five best phones ever created.

They’re my favorite phones, absolutely. But they should be yours too. In fact, if you like any other phone better than any of the phones on this list, you’re wrong. I’m sorry, file this one under “Science Fact.” That’s how I roll.

1. Codec –Codifying Satellite Communication System

Oh, sure, it only has one ringtone. Yeah, you could get mad about that if you really cared. But you shouldn’t. Because the Codec is classy as hell. Look at this thing! It’s all screen. And, Facetime? Forget Facetime, this thing has Facetime and the ability to transpose every single spoken word into text. Let’s see your Blandroid do that! The only thing that makes this phone a little stale is the fact that it can only be answered by crouching down on one knee and touching your ear. Kinda lame, I’ll admit it.

2. Whiz

…High Speed Internet, customizable backgrounds, customizable ringtones, tactile buttons and an outstanding user interface make this one of my favorite phones of all time. Plus, honestly, the ad campaigns around town for Whiz Wireless Communication are unrivaled. I don’t know what it is about the name and the fluid, yellow background that appears on every device, I feel like there’s something there that I’m not quite getting. Regardless, if you want to drive around town and be constantly pestered by your friends and cousins to play pool, the Whiz is an exceptional device.

3. PokéGear Phone

My mom gave me this phone before I left the house for my first great adventure. It was pretty basic at the time, but it definitely went extremely far to serve its purpose. I could tell time on it, I could schedule meetups and I could even tune into radio stations. That’s right, my incredible clamshell phone let me tune into radio stations! Believe it. The phone was really great when former opponents were wishing for rematches and decided to reach out and call me. Those suckers didn’t think I’d be doing much of anything except for hanging out and getting fat. How wrong they found out they were once I rolled up with a team of six of the most insanely strong Pocket Monsters those fools had ever seen. Losers.

4. Shortwave Radio

This may be a little retro for some of you folks out there, but the Shortwave Radio I kindly picked up during my time in the Bathysphere did wonders for me. There were only a few folks that called me on the device, so I never really got to use it enough to fall wildly in love with it; however, I was constantly impressed by its ability to work at extreme depths underwater between buildings. I mean, really, have you ever seen a radio with Caller ID?

5. Receiver Phone

Finally, the phone that I grew to love simply because of when I received it, the Receiver Phone. This came to my friends and I by some geek inventor named Apple Kid. The phone was pretty sweet back then in, oh, 1995. I could only grab it if I opened my inventory and laid everything out at once. I think that was because of its shear heft. And, here’s the major bummer, it was only capable of receiving calls instead of making them. But, seriously, the reception was stellar. We’re talking full signal during large scale apocalyptic events… no matter how I held it.

Disagree? Let me have it.

*Flip computer upside down to read game legend.*

punoqɥʇɹɐƎ (ϛ
ʞɔoɥSoıq (ㄣ
ɹǝʌlıSlnoS ⅋ ploפʇɹɐǝH uoɯǝʞoԀ (Ɛ
ΛI oʇn∀ ʇɟǝɥ┴ puɐɹפ (ᄅ
sǝıɹǝS pıloS ɹɐǝפ lɐʇǝW (Ɩ