While Rockstar has yet to officially announce the next installment in the critically-acclaimed Grand Theft Auto series, it has not stopped many from speculating about the setting, release date, and story. For all of those who have been anticipating Grand Theft Auto V since its predecessor’s 2008 release, an Internet detective who assumed the pseudonym “Superannuation” uncovered a full, detailed casting list for a project only known as Rush. Is this information trustworthy? Is Rockstar preparing to unveil the title in the near future?
Adding to Superannuation’s claim of legitimacy, he stated that he took it upon himself to find out whether or not the game actually exists. Intelligently, he decided to try searching for information on motion capture projects from this past year, which revealed the official casting group for Rockstar Games posted a call for a game called Sao Paulo Knights, Max Payne 3’s fake name.
It appeared as if Superannuation was barking up the correct tree, he found that there was another casting call on the same website for a project entitled Rush. Unsurprisingly, the ludicrous character descriptions would only fit into the Grand Theft Auto universe.
Here is the list that Superannuation found, which is likely Grand Theft Auto 5’s casting call:
- Mitch Hayes 38 – Annoying, wise cracking, highly successful FBI agent. In great shape. Does triathlons, drinks low cal beer, but still has a sense of humor.
- Miguel Gonzalez 25 Young Mexican American FBI agent, caught between a few mob bosses. Very clean cut.
- Clyde 23 – Moronic, almost inbred and creepy white trash hillbilly. Very naïve but in a creepy ‘it’s only incest sort of way’
- Brother Adam Welsh monk / cult leader / yoga teacher – 50, very lithe, very into exploring your personal tension through gripping massage. Needs Welsh accent.
- Mrs Avery Neurotic soccer mom, home maker, 48, anxious and addled on pain killers. Very angry at neighbor MRS Bell.
- Mrs Bell Swinger, and mellow Californian divorcee. 45. Ugly but comfortable with self.
- Eddie 47 – Weed evangelist, guy who started smoking at 30, and is now a leading proponent of marijuana’s fantastic properties. White, awkward.
- Ira Bernstein 56 – publicist for an actress known as America’s newest sweetheart who just so happens to love animals, orphans, drugs and sex. He’s always trying to hide her latest indiscretion.
- Kevin De Silva 18 – Albert’s fat, FPS playing gamer son. Smokes a lot of weed, has anxiety issues and a card for a bad back, very soft, very opinionated. Into making racist comments while playing online.
- Harut Vartanyan 42-52 years old – Armenian car dealer, moneylender, would be Fagin and would be bully. Heavily connected to the underworld, but irritates people so much no one likes him.
- Nervous Jerry 48 – paranoiac living in the sticks, near Simon, completely paranoid, and terrified of Simon.
- Calvin North 55 – clapped out FBI agent who now mostly works offering advice on TV shows – whose only claim to fame turns out to be entirely false – but a decent guy in other ways. Badly dressed. Divorced. Putting on weight.
- Jerry Cole 53 – disabled IT expert and criminal information vendor.
- Rich Roberts English hardman actor, 35, who acts tough but who wants to do serious work – the only problem is he can’t quite read the words.
- Alex white 52 yr old loosie goosie hippy rich guy who has lost his money and is getting desperate but trying not to.
- Scarlet 45-52 years old – unshaven female spiritualist and hippy with a love of exploring the wilderness. Very into journeys.
- Chad 29 – pretty boy misogynist Beverly Hills party boy. Made money, but not as cool as he thinks he is.
- Tae Wong 39 – somewhat incompetent Chinese mobster, loves doing ecstasy, going to raves.
- Tae’s Translator 45 – VERY STRAIGHT LACED Chinese translator, terrified of his boss’s dad. Male, awkward. Needs to speak Chinese.
Within the cast list, there are numerous attributes that many of the characters possess that would lead one to the conclusion that GTA V will be set in Hollywood. This claim seems to be legitimate, as rumors that first started circulating last year that it would return to the West Coast. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas was set in an LA-esque Los Santos, featuring the area of Vinewood, Rockstar’s variation on Tinseltown.
What do you, fellow gamers, think? Would a return to San Andreas make you jump for Grand Theft Auto V or would you rather see the game move to a new venue? Sound off in the comments below.
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