While I sink some quality hours into Tomba! 2 later this week, no doubt the rest of the gaming world will be up to its eyeballs in Call of Duty: Black Ops III. The latest entry in the popular franchise releases this week, and it now has a launch trailer that comes stereotypically jammed with references to attract as many commercial demographics as possible.

We have Seattle Seahawks star running-back Marshawn Lynch for the sports fans, Johnny Storm for the Marvel fans who want to forget about that movie, a Rolling Stones song for the aging baby boomers, a slick female action hero, and the chubby bozo who is supposed to be you, a Call of Duty: Black Ops III professional extraordinaire.

What was it for again? I like Marshawn Lynch, and I love Skittles. I didn’t see Fantastic Four, and I don’t cheer for the Chicago Bulls. I like the Rolling Stones. I put a lot of effort into losing my tubby gut over the past year, and I stopped wearing cargo shorts. Kevin has got the moves like Jagger, and I still want to play Tomba! 2 because pink-haired cavemen rule.

What was being sold here? I can’t remember. My brain can’t comprehend it all. Oh yeah, Call of Duty: Black Ops III will be released for the PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, Xbox 360, Xbox One, and PC this Friday Nov. 6.