We did it. We made it through Avengers: Infinity War in one piece. We can’t say the same for members of the Avengers like [SPOILER] or [REDACTED], but we made it through, and that’s what counts, right? The days are getting hotter. Summer is here. Some of the year’s biggest blockbusters are already out in theaters – Incredibles 2, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, and Deadpool 2 – but there’s plenty of steam left. Here are the best excuses to go sit in an air-conditioned theater this summer.
The First Purge (July 4)
The Purge is a silly concept, but it’s a visceral one, and with this summer’s The First Purge, the concept will have inspired four films. This latest entry continues to explore the idea by going back to the night of the original Purge, the first 12-hour period of nationwide lawlessness meant to let citizens blow off a year’s worth of steam in one night. The first three movies spanned a period from the year 2022 up through 2040, but this film rolls things back to the late 20-teens.
If you’ve been digging on The Purge since its 2012 debut, this should give a fresh take on the series and give some meaty backstory as to how things got started. Along with a bit of the ol’ ultra-violence.
Ant-Man & The Wasp (July 6)
Are you tired of Marvel movies yet? Because we have one more: Ant-Man & The Wasp. This follow-up to the 2015 movie that shouldn’t have been nearly as good as it was makes good on the promise of the mid-credits stinger. Evangeline Lilly joins Paul Rudd as the titular Wasp to take on a new threat and to delve into the characters’ pasts. While Scott Lang is trying to balance being a dad and a fugitive superhero, he and Hope Van Dyne will take on a villain called Ghost and re-enter the quantum realm we saw in the climax of the first movie and, we’re guessing, come across Dr. Pym’s lost wife, Janet Van Dyne, who is being played by Michelle Pfeiffer. As if another comedy-action movie starring Rudd wasn’t enough to get us into the theater, Marvel has confirmed that Ant-Man & The Wasp will, alongside 2019’s Captain Marvel, bridge the gap between Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers 4.
Skyscraper (July 13)
Do you like to see Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson do absurd things on film? Me too. Our last dose of Rock was when Johnson starred in the video game adaptation Rampage this April. This summer, you’ll be able to see him as former FBI agent and amputee Will Sawyer, who acts as head of security for the world’s tallest and safest building. Of course, that safety would make for a terrible movie, so you can guess how things go.
The movie’s promised action isn’t just implausible, it’s impossible, as Twitter has so politely pointed out:
Even so, we’re still stoked to see Dwayne Johnson be the most charismatic man on film. Plus, we have to wait until March 2019 for his next movie, Fighting with My Family. That’s, like, 9 months, man. We’re going to take what we can get.
Mission Impossible: Fallout (July 27)
Did you know that Tom Cruise is 55-years-old? They have to make him stop jumping off of things soon. But apparently not yet, as Mission Impossible: Fallout is ready to hit theaters. They’ve been pounding us with this trailer and its terrible song for months now:
Reasons to see the movie include: Tom Cruise probably getting hurt, Simon Pegg, Henry Cavill’s Justice League Mustache, and whatever hats Ving Rhames wears.
Teen Titans Go! To the Movies (July 27)
In case you missed it, Teen Titans Go! is all the rage with “the kids” these days. Taking a page from characters like Deadpool, the Cartoon Network series is ultra-self aware and ultra-self referential. It’s like a wink and a nudge in the form of a TV show. Now, the Teens are taking their antics to the big screen. All the other heroes are getting their own films, but the Titans are being overlooked. They head to Hollywood to remedy this and end up tangled in a supervillain’s plot.
Along with the kids themselves, the movie will feature cameos from a whole pile of DC heroes and villains voiced by celebrities. Nic Cage is finally going to play Superman, while Will Arnett will shift from his role as Batman in the LEGO movies to Batman’s enemy Slade Wilson/Deathstroke. Jimmy Kimmy and Lil Yachty are playing Batman and Green Lantern, respectively, so this should be a goofy, fun take on some of the most legendary superheroes. After all the grimdark appearances by these characters in the DCEU, we’re ready for something lighter.
The Darkest Minds (August 3)
The 20th Century Fox logo comes up. “In a world where teens have special powers, adults hunt them down and lock them up.”
“Wait, another X-Men movie?”
No, moviegoer, this is The Darkest Minds, a different Fox-produced movie about teens being hunted down for their dangerous powers. If you dig on shows like The Gifted and teen rebellion stuff like The Hunger Games and Maze Runner, this movie should give you a dose of that particular flavor.
The Meg (August 10)
This movie has nothing to do with Family Guy. Instead, the movie looks to answer the question “what could Jason Statham possibly be afraid of.” The answer, it seems, is a 70-foot long prehistoric shark known as the Megalodon. Statham plays a disgraced Naval captain who encountered the beast during a mission in the depths of the Mariana Trench and escaped with his life and not much else. Years later, his ex-wife and a team of scientists (or something) end up in the sights of the monstrous beast and only Jason Statham can save’em. I’m not sure if you can do a jump-kick under water, or how that will work against a 70-foot shark, but I’m betting we’re going to find out.
The Happytime Murders (July 24)
The Muppet movies taught us that the titular characters aren’t just puppets, but something else. Characters that have lives outside The Muppet Show. The Happytime Murders takes that a few steps further, right across the line of decency but forcing us to look at what TV puppets do off-camera with all the money they make. These definitely-not-Muppet puppets get high, get hot’n’heavy, and get in trouble. Now, the star puppets of an old children’s show are being murdered and a human private eye played by Melissa McCarthy is taking the case. The movie promises to be as raunchy as you could ever hope to see a puppet-based cast get.
Slender Man (August 24)
I can’t imagine that Slenderman creator Eric Knudsen didn’t know back in 2009 when he created the character that things would go this far. What started as a creepypasta meme, talked about for years on forums, is now a major motion picture. The trailers show a movie that checks all the horror boxes. Dead animals, self-mutilation, people writing totally unhelpful messages on things in black marker, grainy video – all of it. Fans of the character haven’t been pleased with the advertising so far, and it seems like Sony may have missed the boat on the character – Slenderman’s popularity has dropped off, and two young girls were sentenced for stabbing a third girl, allegedly to impress the fictional character, which they believed to be real. Unless you really dig bad horror, you may want to just check out Marble Hornets on YouTube, or even HBO’s Beware the Slenderman documentary on that incident instead of checking out this poorly timed flick.
Kin (August 31)
If puppet sex and ill-advised horror movies aren’t your jam, maybe you’ll dig Kin, a story of brotherhood and space lasers. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say anymore than that; that sounds amazing.
An ex-con and his younger brother are on the run from government soldiers and a gang when they find a powerful weapon of unknown origin and use it to defend themselves. It looks like a simple, straightforward, and fun movie that could go under the radar the way Upgrade did last month.
The Nun (September 7)
Like The First Purge, the horror film The Nun is the latest spinoff of a successful series. After two Conjuring films and two Annabelle films, the series is focusing in on the demonic nun introduced in the second Conjuring film. While Slenderman looks ill-advised, The Nun looks absolutely terrifying. It looks like a screamer GIF come to life. Warner Bros.’ official synopsis for the movie goes like this:
When a young nun at a cloistered abbey in Romania takes her own life, a priest with a haunted past and a novitiate on the threshold of her final vows are sent by the Vatican to investigate. Together they uncover the order’s unholy secret. Risking not only their lives but their faith and their very souls, they confront a malevolent force in the form of the same demonic nun that first terrorized audiences in ‘The Conjuring 2,’ as the abbey becomes a horrific battleground between the living and the damned.
I’ll skip this one so that I can continue to sleep at night.
The Predator (September 14)
How can a movie have such a great cast and yet look like such a bad decision? Predator brings the titular character of the 1987 movie back to the big screen. A young boy accidentally summons the alien hunter’s ship to earth, and a band of soldiers and scientists are tasked with protecting the earth from the galaxy’s greatest hunter. The movie features Thomas Jane, Yvonne Strahovski, Keegan-Michael Key, Edward James Olmos, and Sterling K. Brown among others, each of which are reason enough to check out a movie. The movie is directed by Shane Black, who also directed The Nice Guys and actually played a character named Hawkins in the original 1987 movie. You can check out his death scene below:
Does that qualify him to direct this new Predator flick? We’ll find out this September.