You’re not sure why, but you’re just sitting there. Sitting, waiting, unmoved, hopeful. Or is that a look of melancholy? The cruel passage of time has taken its toll on your jagged, coarse body, and you’ve been staring at the same damn tree for years and years—yet it grows taller while you slowly chip away, disappearing into the ether of time and space. The world has gone from a lush paradise to a barren landscape of abandoned manmade objects. But for some reason you just watch as it all pass by.
This is the life of a rock. This is Rock Simulator 2014.
Maybe we have no more ideas. Maybe this is the game version of “Yo,” where you’re likely to get as much enjoyment out of it as you would watching paint dry or sitting at home and growing your hair. But it’s a thing that exists because it can. Developer Strange Panther Games said Rock Simulator began as a parody of a parody—who really wants to simulate the monotony of a farm, train or truck? Why not just simulate a rock instead? And so it goes.
Rock Simulator is taking on a similar path to Goat Simulator, which at least has some charm. After the idea came out, Strange Panther said it received tremendously positive community feedback, and that’s why a legit game now exists. Much of the positivity was likely in jest, and just because something can exist doesn’t mean it should. But here we are, talking about a game in which you simulate a rock.
Do the Rock Simulators of the world devalue gaming, just as “Yo” does for communication? Maybe so. But it’s quickly approaching its IndieGoGo goal, which you can contribute to right here. If you’re bored and lack the will to go on, Rock Simulator is the perfect medicine. This might actually turn into a serendipitous way to punish people addicted to gaming. You are hereby ordered under the court of law to spend 3 uninterrupted hours playing Rock Simulator.
There is a very NSFW trailer here. I can’t wait for Watch Grass Grow Simulator. Or Stare At the Wall Simulator. Maybe someone brave enough will soon step forward to bring us the games we’ve always wanted.