During this Independence Day, take a quick break from your apple pie and fireworks, and let Japanese game developer FromSoftware tap into your subconscious nationalistic tendencies like you’ve never experienced before. This is Metal Wolf Chaos, 8 minutes of the most mind-boggling American patriotism you will ever find on the Internet.
America has fallen into chaos after Vice President Richard Hawk coordinates a massive military coup d’etat in each of America’s largest metropolises. Only President Michael Wilson, a distant grandson of President Woodrow Wilson, stands between him and total domination of the country. Attempts to kidnap the president fail when he blasts through the window of the Oval Office in his customized mecha-robot, Metal Wolf, and flees to the west coast in Air Force One from a secret runway built beneath the reflecting pool. Armed with massive amount of lethal hardware, President Michael Wilson travels east takes back his country city by city by annihilating the entire American military one tank at a time.
It’s the stuff Hollywood action films dream to be, still palatable because of the guitar riffs, ridiculous amounts of guns, ludicrous stunts, outlandishly horrible voice acting, and the most God-blessed awesome video game storyline ever. Our fore-fathers blessed us with the right to bear arms knowing damn well that it would lead to this.
Even so, deep beneath the countless layers of insanity lies a story of one man standing up to oppression and doing what is right, the true American way. And the biggest sin is that this gem has never been released in America. Are they worried about offending someone?
Since its discovery on the back pages of the Internet a few years ago, the cult demand for this game has been huge. Currently, the cheapest copy is going for ￥9600 on amazon.jp, and I haven’t seen a copy in DenDen Town, Osaka’s electronics neighborhood, in years.
Listen FromSoftware, you’re A-listers now. Nobody knows how it happened because a large majority of your games are downright terrible, but people respect you these days. We forgive you for Murakumo, but we know you can make a decent mech game. Your entire history is built on the success of Armored Core. We don’t care how bad it might be. Use a little of the new-found clout the Souls games have brought you, and allow your American fans to rediscover something about their own country they might have forgotten with a shiny new HD release. We need all the help we can get these days.
Metal Wolf Chaos launched on the original Xbox back in 2004 but only in Japan. Importers will be glad to know the game’s voice acting is entirely done in English so understanding the story shouldn’t be a problem. Just good luck getting a hold of a copy.
Happy Fourth of July to all my friends back home! Hope you have a wonderful holiday.