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Google is Cyberdyne (A Delightful Rant)

by Mike Perlman | May 12, 2012May 12, 2012 8:00 am PST

Google-CyberdyneI know I’ve referenced the Terminator movies before, but Google’s recent pursuits in the auto market have crystallized my hypothesis that the Mountain View juggernaut is far more than just the polychromatic serif typeface search engine we’ve all been brainwashed, er, grown to love. No my friends and countrymen, the parallels between Terminator’s storyline and Google’s relentless machine-driven mission will knock you on your behinds.

The latest excitement piped from the bowels of the Googleplex is that the company has actively approached car manufacturers about providing cars for Google’s autonomous software to be implemented and developed in. For example, you’ll probably see something like the “Honda Autonocar SE Powered by Google” sitting at your local dealer in the next handful of years. Google is hellbent on replacing humans with autonomous computer systems, and the company has publicly expressed that it believes computers are more reliable and safer than humans ever will be. Furthermore, Google has stated that autonomous vehicle integration is the most important technology to be developed in the next half a century. Cyberdyne, I mean Google, has even approached insurance agencies to come to a consensus about autonomous vehicle coverage.

Now, let’s take a look at Cyberdyne. In the Terminator saga, Cyberdyne is the defense firm that developed Skynet for the United States Armed Forces. Skynet was the software that controlled all autonomous and computerized military machinery, weaponry, vehicles and systems, including nuclear bombs. Cyberdyne’s vision with Skynet was to remove the element of human error and increase accuracy and efficiency by subtracting humans from the equation altogether. Inevitably, Skynet gained self-awareness and spooked the humans responsible for monitoring it. The humans then attempted to shut Skynet down, which made Skynet assume that it was under attack, so Skynet nuked Russia and Russia nuked us back. Billions of obliterated humans later, Skynet used the remaining humans as slaves to build automated factories, spurring the rise of the Cyborg Revolution.

Despite the fact that one of these companies is real and the other fictitious, there’s something chillingly disconcerting about the fact that both companies have almost identical ideologies. Both Google and Cyberdyne believe they are benefiting the human race by allotting jobs to machines that are far more proficient than we are. But there is an imperative question to ask here.

Is the answer smarter machines or smarter humans?

This can venture down a perilous philosophical path that may overheat the collective attention spans of a tech blog like this, but I want you all to ask yourselves that one question. Is the answer smarter machines or smarter humans? It’s a simple question that weighs more than the universe at this point in time.

Consider the fact that Google knows more about you than your relatives. This consists of most of your personal information, including that search history list rife with names of naked celebrities. Google is your map, your email, your document, your picture browser, your game store, your smartphone, your web browser, your video player (YouTube), your translator, and it’s attempting to be your social network and get inside your wallet. Now Google wants to be your car. Next it will be Google Home, then Google Country and inevitably Google Universe. It starts at a very basic, friendly level and snowballs into an all-encompassing, monopolizing infrastructure that strips humans of individuality and plugs them into the perilous circuitry of a computerized dictatorship. These are the early stages!

My suggestion is to boycott autonomous cars and other intrusive forms of computerized control, but you won’t listen. No, humans love their computerized assistance! What will happen when an autonomous car fries a circuit and steamrolls a crowd of pedestrians? Who’s at fault? 20 bucks says Google will pin it on Honda. My advice to all auto manufacturers is to drive as far away from Google as you possibly can. I don’t care how you want to slice it, Google is Cyberdyne. They take the machine path whenever possible. In a few hundred years, when humans become unintelligible, brainless blobs floating around in autonomous bubbles, hooked up to fast food I.V. drips while pressing buttons on a Cyborg assembly line, Google’s digitally simulated maniacal laughter will resonate throughout the post-apocalyptic craters of former forests and torched park reserves.

This is only the beginning, folks.


Mike Perlman

Mike Perlman grew up in Nintendo Land and developed a relationship with all things electronic and nerdy early on in his childhood career. Today,...

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