I read an “article” in the Wall Street Journal recently that solidified my hypothesis that any moronic buffoon can get a job writing about tech. The grand offender, Mr. Kevin Sintumuang, penned a derisory homage to the iPhone, touting its superiority over any digital camera except a DSLR. Not only was the article poorly written and exhibited grammar errors, but the entire manifesto of lame proved itself as one of the most unabashed iPhone advertisements I’ve ever seen. If the “article” wasn’t published on April 3rd, I would have thought the Wall Street Journal had allowed one of its high school interns to submit an article for April Fool’s Day.
In Mr. Sintumuang’s iPhone Campaign, he employs a trite method of personification that places various digital cameras at a secret underground meeting held in a basement of a now defunct Circuit City. The first line is:
I, POINT-AND-SHOOT, hereby call to order the inaugural meeting of the Secret Society of Digital Cameras That Are Sick and Tired of the iPhone. Ultra Zoom. Micro Four Thirds. Budget Digi Camera that takes AA batteries. Thanks for coming.
Hilarious. I’m doubled over laughing. He’s spoofing an AA meeting with point-and-shoot cameras. How original. However, I called his bluff the minute he mentioned Micro Four Thirds cameras. Micro Four Thirds cameras are not point-and-shoots. They have interchangeable lenses and advanced features. And Ultra Zoom? That’s an entirely different market, bucko. Name one cell phone with a quality optical zoom, dozens of manual controls and a DSLR-like body for added stability. That leaves the “Budget Digi Cam that takes AA batteries.” Even I think the iPhone is a better option than a $120 digital camera. Right off the bat, all of this clown’s examples are erroneous.
Then Sintumuang goes on to say that the iPhone is Flickr’s most used camera. Wrong again, Mr. Wall Street Joker. The Canon EOS 5D Mark II is Flickr’s most used camera at the moment. That’s right—a $3,000 DSLR! Obviously, the staff at the Wall Street Journal is not too keen on fact-checking. The rest of this atrocity amalgamates into a vomit-inducing iPhone advertisement that sarcastically mocks the digital camera industry in an agonizing attempt at humor. There’s even a guide to downloading the best camera applications for your iPhone directly after the “article.” The only decent part of this “article” is the Crazy Eddie reference in the last sentence. The rest was poorly written hogwash.
You may be asking yourselves why this attempt at an article succeeded in lighting my Bunsen Burner. The main entrée is my frustration with the fact that someone with limited to no photography or tech experience waltzed in and threw down the gauntlet with the digital camera industry, without doing any sort of research. This guy spends most of his time writing about alcohol, and it appears as though he must have been doing a hands-on review of a bottle while he penned this trash. I’ve never seen such a putrid glorification of an iPhone before, especially during a time when portions of the point-and-shoot market are actually struggling.
But Sintumuang failed to mention the fact that the iPhone, or any smartphone, SUCKS when it comes to taking pictures. Its diminutive form renders it impossible to steady unless the camera is being propped up on a hard surface or the iPhone’s owner is made of stone. As stated earlier, there’s no optical zoom, which transforms the iPhone into a paperweight at any sporting event or nature safari. Even with applications like Camera+ and Night Cap, manual controls are exceedingly limited, so there’s no hope for long exposure shooting or any other advanced techniques a beginner might want to dabble in as they grow more comfortable with photography down the line. A good chunk of digital cameras are better in low light, like the Canon PowerShot S100, Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ150 and Sony Cyber-shot DSC-TX66 (review coming out soon).
In closing, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the Wall Street Journal and Mr. Sintumuang, World Renowned Vodka tester, for the hearty laugh. I look forward to seeing future Tech articles from Sintumuang so I will have more topics to rant about.