You’ve tried the car alarm, the LoJack and the 7-foot tall security guard, but what do you do when those methods have failed? Opt for a butt detection theft deterrent system, of course!
In Tokyo, where peculiar things happen every minute, engineers have developed a pressure-sensing system embedded in the driver’s seat that can actually detect the rightful owner’s derriere. Any alien behinds will be denied access and the car will simply not start.
According to the Advanced Institute of Industrial Technology in Tokyo, the rump-sensing system is an astounding 98% accurate. But it still leaves a few questions on the table.
Can you program the seat for multiple butts? What if you’re wearing snow pants one day and a spandex suit the next? What if you gain weight? How much time does it take to recognize a booty? Will I have to shimmy and squirm about for a while until my car gives my ass the green light? What does the lit icon look like on the dash? Is it like the Golden Egg scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where a good butt stays and a bad butt goes straight down the garbage shoot? Will the car speak to me like KITT from Knightrider?
Hello Michael, nice to see your ass again today.
One thing’s for certain: If this technology becomes highly reliable, car theives will never get away with their crimes – no ifs, ands or butts about it.