E3 2014 is almost here, folks. And what kind of website would we be if we didn’t hit you with predictions for the show? An abnormal one, because predictions are what makes the world go round. Maybe. I don’t know, I didn’t study astrophysics.

Instead of a straight-faced prediction list, we’ve decided to make five predictions that are both plausible and unlikely. They are borderline ridiculous. They could happen, but they probably won’t.

What if they did, though? Internet. Forum. Pandemonium.

Here we go.

Half-Life 3 Officially Announced

Half-Life 3

Why it’s plausible: It’s plausible because its been 10 years since Half-Life 2 and seven since Half-Life 2: Episode 2. It’s been 10 years, my video game loving family. 10.

Announce Half-Life 3 at E3, Valve. We need this.

Why it won’t happen: Because it’s Half-Life 3. Valve would essentially be killing one of the Internet’s best gaming punchlines if it officially announced this game at E3 2014. I don’t know which is worse: a world without Half-Life 3 or a world without Half-Life 3 jokes.

Beyond Good & Evil 2 Unveiled Again

Beyond Good and Evil 2

Why it’s plausible: Beyond Good & Evil 2 was unveiled years ago. Ubisoft has since said several times that it hasn’t been cancelled, that it’s being worked on and that they’ll keep the world posted.

Not too long ago, Michel Ancel (creator of the original Beyond Good & Evil) went on the record saying that the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 were a little too weak to complete his vision for this sequel. The Xbox One and PlayStation 4 are here, so maybe we’ll see this new game on those systems.

Why it won’t happen: Ubisoft’s been quiet, Ancel’s been quiet and there haven’t been many rumors or leaks surrounding the game. Beyond Good & Evil 2‘s interest is likely waning, and we imagine Ubisoft only wants to deal with guaranteed winners right now like Assassin’s Creed and Far Cry. Maybe next year?

The Wii U’s Successor Shows Up

Iwata Wii U

Why it’s plausible: Nintendo needs help. The Wii U, at this point in time, is virtually a lost cause in the area of sales. It has been a year and a half since launch, and Nintendo has managed to move only six million consoles. That’s less than the Dreamcast, friends.

Plus there were rumors that Nintendo has since denied suggesting that it’d be showing a piece of hardware at E3 2014. Whether that’s its quality of life stuff, a Wii U follow-up or complete bunk remains to be seen.

Why it won’t happen: I think the successor to the Wii U is coming, but I don’t think we’ll see it until next year. Nintendo has a wave of good games that could still help the Wii U and keep it on life support. Once SmashZeldaX and Bayonetta 2 are out, we can talk about a new console.

The Last Guardian is PlayStation 4 Bound

The Last Guardian - 6

Why it’s plausible: The Last Guardian, much like Beyond Good & Evil 2, has already been announced and unveiled. It happened years ago. It was set for the PlayStation 3, and it comes from Team ICO, the same studio behind Shadow of the Colossus.

Then it disappeared.

Director Fumito Ueda has since left Sony, though he is working on The Last Guardian as a contractor. The game has been completely absent from all showings, in spite of Sony’s suggestion that it’s still coming.

Then came the rumor not too long ago that we’d be seeing it on the PlayStation 4. All that silence would lead up to one hell of an unveil at E3 2014, wouldn’t it?

Why it won’t happen: I have no doubt that this game is still being worked on. Sony has been consistently positive about it, and the fact that Ueda’s freelance stay is so public supports the notion that we will see this game. However, I don’t expect the already slow Team ICO to have it show-ready at E3 this year.

A Kinect-less Xbox One for $350

Xbox One and Controller in the Woods -05

Why it’s plausible: While I won’t say that Microsoft is in trouble yet this generation, I will say that Sony has built a lot of great buzz and a solid lead for the PlayStation 4. It’s the console that everyone wants, and the common perception of it is the good guy against the Xbox One. Bonkers, I know, but that’s how Sony positioned themselves last E3.

If Microsoft ditches the Kinect, a peripheral a lot of gamers completely ignore, for a special budget SKU that puts its machine cheaper than the PlayStation 4, I think we’d see a vocal shift in perception. Combining that new price point with whatever games it brings to E3, Microsoft could put the Xbox One in an exceptional position moving forward.

Why it won’t happen: Microsoft needs the Kinect as a system separator. Making it mandatory means that Microsoft can go to developers and say, “make games for the Kinect, everyone has one.” If Microsoft makes the Kinect optional, the install base will shrink and developers will stop taking the costly risk to make games for it. Say bye bye to the Kinect.